| lj = emo ranting |
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| 02:02pm 02/05/2009 |
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I don't use Livejournal anymore... unless I want to have a emotional rant on life.
I feel like I am emotionally dead these days. I miss when everything mattered, and I felt passionate for what I did.
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| 10:11pm 17/02/2009 |
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music: A Better Son/Daughter - Rilo Kiley
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Sometimes in the morning I am petrified and can't move
Awake but cannot open my eyes
And the weight is crushing down on my lungs
I know I can't breathe
And hope someone will save me this time
And your mother's still callin you insane and high
Swearin it's different this time
And you tell her to give in to the demons that possess her
That god never blessed her insides
Then you hang up the phone and feel badly for upsetting things
Crawl back into bed to dream of a time
When your heart was open wide and you love things just because
Like the sick and dying
And sometimes when you're on
You're really fuckin on
And your friends they sing along
And they love you
But the lows are so extreme
That the good seems fuckin cheap
And it teases you for weeks in its absence
But you'll fight and you'll make it through
You'll fake it if you have to
And you'll show up for work with a smile
You'll be better
And You'll be smarter
And More grown up and a better daughter or son
And a real good friend
And you'll be awake
You'll be alert
You'll be positive though it hurts
And you'll laugh and embrace all your friends
And you'll be a real good listener
You'll be honest
You'll be brave
You'll be handsome and you'll be beautiful
You'll be happy
Your ship may be comin in
You're weak but not givin in
To the cries and the wails of the valley below
And your ship may be comin in
You're weak but not givin in
And you'll fight it you'll go out fightin all of em |
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| website |
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| 02:39am 11/02/2009 |
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www.fourAMepiphany.com
it isnt anything yet. But ideally I'll make public posts there... maybe.
I might still come back to the ol' LJ for friend posts... if anyone still uses LJ.. |
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| an ode to the places I've lived. |
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| 10:25pm 13/08/2008 |
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weird to be back in my home. With many memories, good and the worst, it is a oddly comfortable and familiar place. Yet I am leaving. Others will come to live in what was once mine. It'll never be as it was. I'll only have those memories. Once I move out, those feelings trapped in that place will slowly leave too.
On to new things. not always easy |
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| 05:42pm 13/08/2008 |
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I should see the works of others as inspirations...
... not comparisons to my own works or lack thereof. |
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| advice from a guy named Steve |
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| 05:33pm 13/08/2008 |
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So I was in a bar near the beach in Costa Rica... and I met this artist named Steve. He was just doing doodles while all the young travelers got silly. We spoke for sometime, he'd be traveling for a while.
I asked him,
"from your life experiences, what advice would you give to a recent college graduate?"
he replied,
"no matter what you do, choose a direction and go for it. Otherwise you'll find yourself coming back to the same places over and over and never get anywhere." |
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| do/make/say/think |
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| 12:14am 13/08/2008 |
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so my current main goal in life... is also the name of a band.
do make say think.
do: action, practice makes perfect
make: creating anything, everything
say: communication is vital
Think: ponder deeply, reflect on life.
and of course, though not included in the song name,
listen: music, people, sounds with an open ear and mind.
in my life:
Do: find jobs, pursue passions (frisbee, woodcraft)
Make: websites, wood carving
say: speak my mind, make friends, discuss computer science, espanol
think: read challenging books, write/read/reflect on my journals
listen: new music on rhapsody, inspiration, podcasts, spanish |
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| michi-gone? |
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| 11:29pm 12/08/2008 |
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so I'm back in Michigan. No real direction. Might have a job. Won't know when if I do. My legs are different lengths. I am happy to be back in Michigan. I don't know if I want to stay here... or ride my bike around the US for a year or so. Except someone stole my bike. fuckers. never steal. all I do know... is I can't stay in my parent's house. I just can't grow here. I have no space. It is not where I want to me. Ann Arbor, Flagstaff, Seattle, everywhere... hard choices. I am going to miss school very much. I can feel the energy of the new fall semester. Much will be missed but I have yet to realize the full benefits of my new freedom. freedom. real world. yikes.
i'll be moving things around out of Ann Arbor, or just elsewhere in Ann Arbor... depending. Ann Arbor or Sterling Heights. drop me a line, I'll be around. |
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| no meaning found between the lines. just what it is. |
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| 06:38pm 27/07/2008 |
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imagine yourself in an alternative world....
... a world in which people find major conflicts in minor details of someone's silly facade of themselves
... a world in which photos are a dime a dozen such that the phrase "a photo is worth a thousand words" makes you wonder out of those thousands of pictures if there are even a hundred words worth reading?
... a world in which people will see you as the selected photos you choose to show them... never want to be seen drunk? remove those photos... want to appear like a rockstar? take hundreds of pictures of yourself while partying...
...a world polluted by pointless spam of games and cheap compliments and jokes that are merely graffitti distracting any meaningful communication
... a world in which you can send an insult without having to see the person feel it... or tell a joke without knowing if anyone actually laughed... or show your greatest successes for all to see while you keep quiet your failures... censor your friends, your family, co-workers... don't allow people to find or see you... call someone you hardly know a friend... continuously upkeep your own image to prove to all that you are someone or something...
... we are all a part of it.
and despite my love for it...
fuck facebook
I'm not saying never to use facebook... it provides plenty of social function... but I am saying: never take any of it for a grain of sand. No matter who you appear to be, you are who you are, and you cannot/shouldnot/wouldnot hide yourself in the real world, so just be true. be honest. never worry yourself over text that removes any emotion from the message, or a picture that removes any context from the situation. just take facebook for what it is... |
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| 09:59pm 30/01/2008 |
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music: groove salad - Soma.fm radio
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Before you read too much, I am a hypocrite. I don't live or act perfectly as I would like, but I do want to improve my actions and life.
As some of you might know I no longer play ultimate at the University, which was a difficult decision but ultimately I have no regrets. The extra time as helped me learn a lot about myself and focus more of my time on other things. Most recently I've became involved in MSTAR (Michigan STudents Advocating Recycling). The club is a good cause, but it doesn't seem to be too ambitious or productive. Yet, I can be overly optimistic in my views of how things should be done and don't intend hurt the image of the group by saying that.
Anyway, though MStAR I was fortunate enough to watch "Who Killed the Electric Car?" this evening. No, I'm not here to rant about environmental issues. I do not believe that is the essential point to take from this film. The point of this film is that logical scientific and technological breakthroughs are squelched by influence of big corporations, government inaction, and consumer apathy or ignorance. (This goes for humanitarian and environmental issues as well.) This has been a repeated epiphanic experience for me in my recent studies in computer science and information (I'm applying to the School of Information for graduate school, and currently taking an intro to info course. Ask me about it.) Here two quotes that stuck in my head from this film:
"Goliath beat David this time, but given enough Davids, Goliath will not always come out on top"
-couldn't find exact quote, or person from film. You'll have to watch it yourself!
"Anybody who wants to make a revolution, shouldn't grab a gun. Just go and start working to change the world...using science and technology."
- Stan Ovshinky, inventor
A few questions remained in my mind after the film, one being: Electric cars don't create emissions but the electricity has to come from somewhere, how does the total consumption of energy compare in gas and electric cars?
It also inspired further investigation of an idea in an article I read recently. The basis being that improving cars is continually the focus of improving environmental problems, but imagine a different approach such that we live in sustainable communities relying on public transportation and only use cars for infrequent long distance travel. It is a great alternative to waiting forever cheap and efficient eco-friendly cars.
Lately, my mind has been opened greatly by pursuing learning more about these and other issues. I've re-realized many of my passions and ignited new ambitions. I never had the foresight in my education to see how I could use it exactly, and even now I don't know. However, I enjoy more learning and investigating the facts beyond my courses and I want to talk about these things.
Which brings me to my next point: I have perceived the average dialog of my peers as usually centered around: television, movies, getting through classes, last weekend, next weekend, feats and defeats of alcoholic consumption, and the weather. The things we learn die if we never use them, so talk about the things you learn in class! You'll remember better and gain a better understanding by knowing how to explain your knowledge. Also, listen to other people! I've been amazed lately by how much I've gotten just by inquiring about something. This has been a revelation for me because I fell into quite a dismal fortress of silence somewhere around my sophomore/junior year because of my self-imposed intimidation of my peers in computers science engineering. So, I've been feeling more like I did my senior year of high school: confident, curious and ambitious. And I want to share that.
Also, I plan to start another blog/website soon to share my current musings on technology, environment and college life. This livejournal will be used only for my connection to close friends who may or may not read it. So, look for that. |
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| to my friends. |
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| 11:53pm 13/01/2008 |
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A Friend is one to whom you can pour out the contents of your heart, chaff and grain alike. Knowing that the gentlest of hands will take and sift it, keep what is worth keeping, and with a breath of kindness, blow the rest away. - anonymous
i'm might be out of touch at times but i think about all my great friends. |
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| friends |
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| 02:58pm 25/11/2007 |
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you guys are amazing, seeing you all last night was very refreshing.
thanks brittney for having us all together.
hopefully we can spend more time together soon over christmas break... |
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| 02:07am 24/11/2007 |
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my phone is dead.
so am i.
i wish i knew what motivation felt like... |
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| 07:30pm 01/11/2007 |
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i don't want to drink anymore. or at least no drinking after midnight, because that always translates into me sleeping in... |
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| frisbee |
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| 07:28pm 24/10/2007 |
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i just officially declined from playing on the frisbee team here at U of M....
It is fucking hard, I don't know if it was the right move. And if I can't fill that gap in my life and use my time for improving myself I will terribly regret it and I don't want that.
I love frisbee but when all my peers in school are getting jobs and I'm considering Graduate school... I realize I need to refocus my time somewhat... I need to figure out what I want to do with my life before I can make commitments otherwise. |
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| 04:29pm 14/10/2007 |
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music: ben kweller - falling
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this song gets me. i miss those perfect days in high school...
this song always reminds me of driving to nikki's swim meets. and the fall with devin..
those were the days that music was just an extension of my feelings and my life.. i might forget the memories but hearing the songs, i can never lose the feelings.
i miss you all, i hope you all are doing well. |
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| battle royale |
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| 02:05am 14/10/2007 |
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so i just watched this japanese movie: battle royale. the basis is that the country has a huge unemployement rate and debt or something, so they send a class of kids to a deserted island. they have to kill each other or they all die. it is pretty intense. wouldn't reccommend it for the light of heart.
last night we had a party. it was madness. i drank too much. fireworks were lit off everywhere...
i need to be more social and get my work done so I can see friends more. i spend too much time alone.. |
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| discovery & bringing out my inner nerd. |
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| 01:14am 11/10/2007 |
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music: planet earth records/studios sessions radio
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lately i just love playing on my computer and making it do more neat things and customizing it to my liking and finding new interesting things online. i recently put Ubuntu linux on my machine so i can boot up to ubuntu, vista or xp. it isn't too difficult but i learned a lot from doing all this. It invigorates my passion for working with computers. I probably spend half of my waking life on the computer but I've been pretty productive...
Lately my new thing is to find good podcasts so I can listen and learn things on my long bus rides to class. (thanks Mary for getting me into America The Green). Anybody have podcast recommendations?
Also I discovered lifehacker.com and pickthebrain.com, both are awesome blog-ish websites I definitely recommend...
Otherwise life has been okay. I'm constantly struggling to break bad habits but I've really enjoyed my classes this semester so I'm doing well. Midterms are next week for me, so we'll see how optimistic i am after that.
Fall officially fell, i love the cold weather, I really want to get out pick some apples, pumpkins or go to a cider mill and haunted house. So, let me know people, lets plan something...
I might be home in the heights this weekend for a bit, i have fall break (mon tues off). probably will be Saturday evening-Sunday maybe.
oh, and i found my new favorite radio station on Itunes: planet earth records/studios sessions radio.. it is really chill downbeat eclectic techno/electronic music. good for zoning out and focusing in. (Dan Decker you'd probably like it) |
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| new semester |
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| 12:16am 04/09/2007 |
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need to stop drinking... exercise the brain. but peer pressure is a bitch.
new house. its okay. i just want to strengthen myself to live for more than good times on the weekends. i'm getting sick of that. but i am a hypocrite. |
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dorkdoug's journal